I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Camper-Nomad
Parents tried to make me give my brother my house. BoRU PART 3
Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople
BoRU Part 1 and BoRU Part 2 originally posted by u/Shelly_895
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, harassment, emotional manipulation and abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, extreme entitlement, parental abandonment, assault, vandalism, child abuse
Update 3 Feb 20, 2023
My parents and Dan were back sooner than I thought. And they wanted money this time
This will not surprise some people who commented on my previous posts, because my parents did some of the exact things they said they would. Which was wanting either my money, or my signature. I did expect the classic lines of narcissists saying that I owed them, or give me some kind of socialist BS of sharing the wealth. But that was just my imagination running wild. The ensuing situation was somewhat similar to that. But much more tame, I guess you could say. They seem to know not to push me too far now. And were mostly aiming for pity.
It began when my parents recently got in touch with me through social media, and asked for a meeting in a public place of my choosing. It just screamed trap. But I wasn't afraid. In fact, I was amused. They know I'm not to be fucked with anymore. So I could only wonder what they wanted this time. I picked a local restaurant that may have a name of an olive and a garden in it, and we met up there. Dan was with them. But he kept his mouth shut, most of the time...
We had awkward greetings, ordered some drinks, and then cut to the chase. My parents begged me to help Dan get his own apartment so he could finally move out. Apparently, Dan's credit isn't so great. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be his wife regularly spends him into a hole? Well they asked that I help by either supplying some capital, or by cosigning for the apartment and helping to pay the rent for it. I simply said no to both. That's when Dan spoke up in anger and yelled at me that I have so much, and I don't have a family to support like he does. He needed my help, and I should be sparing the money for his family since I don't have one myself. I laughed and asked where they were when I needed their help. Of that's right. They were pointing and laughing at me for being homeless. Or should we go further back to my childhood. I'd love to delve into that with plenty of ears to listen in around us. My mother grabbed my hand and begged me not to speak of any of it. My father and Dan both just looked away and said nothing. Pretty sure they wanted to say something like they used to at me, but held their tongues.
I asked them if they thought I was rich or something. And their looks said it all. And when I told them I don't have that kind of money, they looked at me like deer in headlights. I broke it down about how much I'd managed to save for the down payment on my house, and the way I had to live and work in order to save that much so fast. And then how I spent nearly all of it on the down-payment of my house. I'm still in financial recovery. I did have monthly income to spare, yes. But most of it was going right into my savings. I asked Dan what his yearly salary was, and when he told me, I pointed out that it was actually a bit higher than mine. I then loosely broke things down in rough math in front of my parents on how about 70% of my income goes to my mortgage, insurance, gasoline, internet, phone, food, and other bills. And then there's maybe 30% of that left at most that I can put into savings. And I need that money saved get back on my feet in time. And I have to make sure I have savings to fall back on. My truck is from the 90s. If it were to break down, I'd need money to either fix or replace it. And there's other things one would need a rainy day fund for, like home repairs, doctors, taxes, lawyers, or anything in general you'd need quick cash for when it's a sudden unexpected expense. So, as you can see, I just can't spare money for Dan. And I also refuse to cosign for anything as that would leave me on the hook for any bill Dan couldn't or wouldn't pay. Then I pointed out that, that's likely why my parents didn't cosign for Dan's apartment themselves long ago. And my mother just started crying again.
I was pretty much one step ahead of them in all of this. I'm not an ATM, and I'm not a fool. And I stated that right to their faces. I expected my father to become angry with me like he always does. But this time he just, well...didn't. I've known this man to explode on me for the slightest provocation of not enabling my brother all of my life. But this time he just didn't do that. There wasn't even a sneer on his face. The only way I could describe the look he had was regret and defeat. Maybe regret for being a shitty parent. Or maybe regret because he can't bully me around anymore. Who knows.
Either way my parents couldn't really argue with me, and I wasn't about to give them any money. Dan just got up and said this was all just a waste of their time, and that he was leaving. My mother started apologizing for him, but Dan still wanted to leave. Then just to kill with kindness I offered to buy them a round of unlimited soup and salad while we were all there. I guess they couldn't turn down free food since we hadn't ordered anything but drinks yet, and they stayed. I went out of my way to talk about anything other than money. Dan remained quiet, and was either eating his food or looking at his phone. But my parents just awkwardly talked with me. They brought up that they've recently joined a local Christian church. And that they'd already been going for the last two weeks. I said "Good for them", and they of course started trying to advertise that they'd like me to go too. I simply said no thanks, and they were smart enough not to push further.
When the meal was finished, Dan left a $10 on the table for the tip and walked off without saying another word to me or anyone. My mother just excused his behavior and we all parted ways. That was about it. Not nearly as much drama as I though there'd be. But this is still far better than how things used to be with my parents and brother.
As for SIL. Well she's been regularly complaining online about my parents. She really doesn't seem to like the fact that she's not queen bee of their house. And I think her toxic is finally getting to them. Why else would they be so desperate to come crawling back to me. SIL actually wants my parents to move into a camper like I had to do in order to make space in the house. And she's being told "No!" every time. She does seem to have a following of Karen minded people like her though. Because here and there I get messaged by someone I don't know, that are intent on raging at me for not giving up my house for SIL. I don't bother to argue with these people anymore. I just block and move on. Though there was one persistent troll who had my phone number. And they call from a different number every time. Yes, it seems to be the same person who called me to say I need to make way for a real family man like Dan. But I could care less. The calls though, seemed to have slowed down, if not maybe stopped. Because I made it clear to that person that they were only amusing me by keeping this up so long. The last time they called was around the beginning of the month. And it's been silence from them since then.
Update 4 Oct 5, 2023
Well I figured I'd wait half a year or so after the original posts to update everyone. But it ended up being longer than that. Yes things did go bad again. But not really for me for the most part. I'm pretty much fine, if not almost unscathed since last Christmas, apart from the time my parents and Dan came to me for money, as my last post told, and a more recent confrontation between me and SIL you will read about here.
I did get a few cameras for my house, including a Ring doorbell in front. I didn't tell my family about the cameras just in case. But thus far no one has attempted a break-in. I think the way I outed them all before scared them into leaving me alone, for the most part anyway. I've taken to renting out two of the rooms in my house. One to a close friend, the other to a friend of said close friend. Both have been fantastic tenants. They know to keep quiet and leave me alone most of the time, and even have small refrigerators they keep in their rooms so they don't need to keep any of their drinks in the main fridge. The deal I gave them on rent was too good for them to pass up. It increased my monthly income well. And even after taxes, I'm still monthly putting away some decent amounts in the bank since the rent money pays a good chunk of my monthly mortgage.
You're all probably wondering how my parents, brother and SIL took to me renting out those rooms to friends. Well the answer is: Not well. My father and Dan stayed out of it. But SIL freaked out, which made my mother come crying to me over how I could have rented those rooms to Dan and his family instead. We had a bit of an argument in which I pointed out for one thing, they fucking broke into my house before to try and steal it. She wouldn't want to let someone who did that move in with her. Also, there wasn't enough room for me, Dan, and his entire family in my house. Not that I'd ever share a roof with them anyway. It's a three bedroom, and a manufactured home no less. I have the master bedroom and it's adjoining bathroom. That would have left only two small rooms for Dan, SIL, and four kids. Not to mention they'd be annoying AF to me all the time. Also, she knows very well I can't be around SIL because she intentionally antagonizes me. And they all mocked me when I was homeless before. Besides, my current tenants are both single guys in their 30s I get along with. My mother had some sobbing excuses for a while. But she finally let it go and admitted she was just desperate.
Edit: Parents found out I was renting rooms out because SIL basically stalked me in some way. Then she told my parents, and then my parents contacted me. And then my mother came over to cry about it.
Since then my parents haven't bothered me once about the house. So things are good for me. My parents and Dan, not so much.... It turns out SIL is a far worse person than even I thought. I already knew she was a gaslighting self-victimizing drama-queen. But she sank even lower. Because Dan's youngest child turned out not to be his. Yeah you all read that correctly. SIL had an affair. Which in retrospect isn't all that surprising. And something a few people here totally called months ago. After being caught SIL was ousted from the family. Dan just recently finished with his divorce. Which actually went in his favor since we thankfully live in an At Fault State. Dan also sued to get his name taken off the birth certificate of the youngest child, and won.
Basically, after the incident where my parents tried to force me to hand over my house, things got pretty tumultuous over at their house. SIL blamed me, A LOT! She was convinced somehow that I had tons of money, like I'd won the lottery or something, and that I should share the wealth. Apparently it was her idea that they come to my Christmas party, because she hoped they could all try to get on my good side. It was also her idea to make my parents and Dan try to get money from me for an apartment. So it really burst her bubble when Dan and my parents informed her of how my finances actually were. For the longest time she had Dan and my parents fully engulfed in her toxic mindset, and only fed their narcissism with her own. So her blaming me made the rest of them blame me. That is until what happened in front of the police when they tried to steal my house. That's when the downfall for SIL really started. My parents and Dan were apprehensive about coming to my Christmas party after the way I'd outed them. But SIL convinced them to just throw together a few cheap gifts from what they could get at the last minute and just show up, because "He'd never throw us out once we're already there!". Boy was she wrong! She gambled on that plan, and I with the complete blessings of everyone I'd invited threw her and the rest of them out. Her plan she no doubt thought was the most clever thing ever, backfired in her face spectacularly.
I guess being chewed out by family at my party not only wrecked my parents' reputation even more, it actually started a wake-up call for them to eventually not listen to SIL anymore. And as I said in my last post, my parents decided on going back to church. Perhaps because last year I'd said they'd probably go to hell for their actions. I can't say that's the real reason. But you gotta admit, it would feel kinda satisfying if that was the case. Though my parents hadn't been to church in two decades before going back. While I don't think it's a bad idea that they're going to church, they need to understand that going doesn't just give them a do-over for all the shit they've done in the past. But I have a little faith they're at least trying, because my parents came to my house without Dan to personally apologize to me after they'd seen an animated video if my first three posts. That's right, they've known about this reddit account for a long time now. They also know everything I'm saying. Yes, they're unhappy about it. But I feel everyone here deserves an update since it's anonymous.
For my parents and Dan though, watching a animated video of themselves and their own actions was a great way to make them see what kind of people they really are. And they came over to apologize to me later. I'd never seen my father apologize like that to anyone. And the man isn't a good actor. So this felt genuine. They fully acknowledged what they did to me, and how there's no excuse for any of it. They even described themselves as narcissists, and admitted the truth that they had wronged me very badly. Then they went on to blame SIL for a lot of things. Yeah, they kinda threw her under the bus. But it's not like she wasn't guilty of everything they said. My parents have been getting counseling for a while now too, and did offer group family counseling. But I declined as I'm not ready for that any time soon. Dan himself didn't apologize to me for some time. But he looked extremely remorseful any time the past was brought up.
Meanwhile Dan and SIL's marriage absolutely fell apart. It wasn't a crumble, it was a cascade! Without me as the skape-goat/black-sheep/ATM, that they couldn't mock or try to get money from anymore, and after the public humiliation of social media, my reddit posts, and the animated online video, SIL finally let out enough of her toxic on Dan and my parents for them to realize she's not the person they thought she was. Their denial had been strong. But SIL's entitlement was stronger. I've had many a thought of lightsabers clashing over this drama. SIL clad like a bimbo Sith with a lightsaber that looks like a giant lipstick, or something like that. I imagine there's a wealth of puns and jokes to be had there. But I really didn't bother to think much more detail about it.
But as you can imagine, things only got worse because SIL kept looking for other ways to get what she wanted. She kept bringing up ads for used campers and RVs to try and get my parents to buy one to live out of, so they could have the main house. And she kept doing this no matter how many times they told her to stop. She even tried to say my parents should just buy an RV and have a life on the road, like normal old people do. That was stupid, even for SIL. The opposite was suggested by my parents that Dan and SIL buy a camper themselves to live out of it instead. SIL basically said she shouldn't have to do that since she's the mom. She pretty much lorded the fact that she thought she had total parental authority over everyone's heads because the kids in the house were all hers.
And when SIL didn't get her way, she actually took her baby and left the house to disappear for several days. They knew she was fine because her phone was still working, and she was responding texts with short but passive aggressive answers. And when she came back, she was only more embittered because nobody caved to her demands while she was away. SIL also refused to go to church. But Dan went with our parents and took his kids along as well, save for the youngest since SIL refused to let him take the baby anywhere. Personally I don't go to church. I believe in God and all that stuff. But I just don't like church. Besides, it never did me any good growing up.
Update 5 Oct 7, 2023
Just so everyone understands, a lot of this information came from Dan and my parents. So I'm just telling what I know.
Shit really hit the fan when Dan suddenly called out his wife as a cheater March. This shocked us all, because we thought he was a complete pushover to her. But no, he's not. At least not anymore. You all know how he treated me when I was on his bad side. Well his wife wasn't spared that ire at all. He started putting pieces together about her deceit after finally pulling his head out of his ass, and secretly got DNA tests for all his kids. Three of the kids are his. But the youngest one, the baby was not. For the record, Dan and I both have pretty dark straight hair that's almost black. Same with our parents. SIL's hair is straight and pretty dark too. But the baby's hair is lighter and a bit curly. At first Dan just thought it was because of the baby's age. SIL kept playing it off, and said that it would darken in time. But the baby's hair never got darker. I guess that was Dan's biggest clue. He confronted his wife with the DNA results in front of our parents. And she broke down sobbing that it was a mistake.
SIL pulled out all the DARVO stops of denying, trickle-truthing and gaslighting. But Dan had none of it, and actually had done more to find out about her affair than I would have ever thought. I knew he was smart. He just let himself be dumb. He had detailed proof of her cheating with phone records, texts he got off her phone, bank records, and the DNA test. He even identified the man she's cheating with, who is likely the father since he has much lighter colored curly hair. The evidence against her was crystal clear, and Dan said she was so bad at hiding her affair, he didn't even have a hard time figuring any of it out once he started looking.
My parents demanded that SIL leave their house immediately. That's when she went psycho on them all. First in just yelling. But she quickly got physical. Police had to be called by my mother. And yeah, SIL was arrested. She scratched up Dan and my father quite a bit with her long fake nails, and even harmed her eldest kid in the crossfire by hitting him hard enough to have a black eye and nosebleed when he tried to intervene. Dan was smart enough to have his phone recording nearby when he confronted her. So the police had all they needed to arrest her for assault. SIL's parents had to drive over to bail her out. Then they came back for the baby, SIL's stuff, and her car as well.
A couple days after SIL got bailed out, she showed up at my house because I was apparently next on her shit list. As soon as I opened the door she went on a delusional rant where she called me out about posting on Reddit. Then said I was the entitled bane of her existence. I'm not sure, but I think she might have been high on something, because this felt extra crazy for her, and her eyes didn't look right. She claimed mothers with young children are the most sacred thing in the world. Then went on yelling that giving up my house shouldn't have been too much to ask for. Because supporting the family was the least I could have done. And if I had, then her family would still be together. When I tried to talk while she was spewing all that out, she actually attempted to shove me and cover my mouth. She even had her hand poised like she was ready to scratch me.
Well that went about as well with me as you can expect. I'm not exactly one to be threatened, and told her I'd call police if she didn't take her hands off me right that moment. I also told her I'd got all it on my doorbell camera. She started panicking the moment she heard 'camera'. Then I ended up verbally savaging her to the point she was backing off my porch. I told her she had some gall to call me entitled when she's exactly that! She didn't work for anything she had anymore, cheated on her husband and got pregnant from her affair partner, made my mother do most of the parenting for her children, spent Dan's money till they were in a financial hole, and acted entitled to my home to the point of trying to steal it. I called her entitled X-1000, and that she's a greedy bitch who is blinded by narcissism. Then I told her to stop blaming me for her own actions and to never show up at my house again.
Being told all that was pretty much all SIL needed to hear before jumping back into her car, then peeled out and sped off. This was finally the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Now that she was separated from Dan, I ended up finally going to the police and filing a report on her for harassment and the assault she'd done on me last year, and her putting her hands on me at my front porch only added to it. The police have it all on record now. And I gave copies of the video to Dan for his divorce lawyer. And yes, I did file for a restraining order against SIL. It was easily granted because it was obvious the woman is unhinged. She's not made a social media post about me since that I could see. But that's just because she put her profile on private. I hope her blame ship against me has long since sailed. Either way she's left me alone.
SIL was still with her affair partner during the divorce. At the time, I had no real idea of what kind of man he is. But any person who monkeys with someone else's spouse and even has a child with them, really doesn't have a lot of morals to begin with. Once the the divorce was underway, SIL admitted that Dan just wasn't man enough for her anymore because he couldn't afford to give her the lifestyle she wanted. She actually believed herself to be on the level of a trophy wife, and that she deserves to be with someone wealthy. Dan said he pulled a "Me" and maniacally laughed at her. He said she was nowhere near hot enough to be a trophy wife, along with mentioning any other faults she had. SIL ended up humiliated by this, and ran off like a child.
Due to having to live with her parents, SIL was forced to work in their family business because Dan wasn't giving her access to his bank accounts anymore. She'd already maxed out all the credit cards he previously gave her. And she griped about having to work for her parents despite having a college degree. But I think they were the only ones who'd employ her anyway since she's got a criminal record and a decade long gap in her resume. I've heard from Dan that her parents were severely disappointed in her as well. But that was just a rumor. They could be just as bad as her for all I know.
Either way the shit show of a divorce really took off once it got going. SIL didn't walk away with much from it. Especially because she had an affair, physically hurt her FIL, husband and eldest child, and it's an at fault state, like I mentioned earlier. So she kissed any chance of getting her way goodbye. I'll go into detail about it in the final post.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
